Phoenix Reflections

Where are all the front page headlines? At least the paper I subscribe to doesn’t have ‘em! WHAT?! Is she blind? How can a newspaper do away with the front page headlines? Of course! If it has a front page ad …where is the room for text?

With companies shelling out all their mullah to get that entire extra broadsheet which screams ‘BUY ME!’, newspaper proprietors are laughing all the way to the bank. The ‘Pseudo Front Page’ as I call it is the latest trend in print advertising. Tracking this development in the last few months, what I noticed is that these front pages have been booked by property developers and what was an occasional affair has now become a regular feature. Advertisers pay based on how much space their ad requires on the page. They can purchase full-page display ads, which fill an entire page of the newspaper, or fractions of pages. The price of an advertisement depends on the size of the newspaper’s circulation. I guess full page ads make them look bigger. But while the ad manages to catch my glance, (Obviously! You need to go through the first page to get to the second) they fail to maintain attention. So dreary.

Being a media student, my main interest lies in the content of the newspaper that though encompasses ads, these (front page ads) can be called anything but that. Lacking any sort of appeal, I have no use for them….or do I??

Let me share with you a few ways of putting your Pseudo Front Page (PFP) and other full page ads within the newspaper, which otherwise is absolutely useless, to complete use:

1. Being a compulsive hygiene freak, I abhor the idea of my newspaper lying on the mucky floor outside my flat. So the PFP can be used as a cover to avoid any sort of filth on the main paper.
2. If Tommy (your neighbors’ dog), over the years has found it appropriate to relieve himself on your doormat, well after all the failed lessons in dog training, its now time for you to do something about it. Just place the PFP’s over you doormat. Now he can pee and poop all he wants!
3. Ours is a traditional family, we still enjoy delectable home cooked, ‘ma ke haath ka khana’ on the tiled floor. When it gets cold, sit on the PFP’s and hog away.
4. PFP’s serve as good shoe rack lining as well. Shoe dirt accumulates on the paper which can later be thrown out. It does away with the hassle of regular cleaning and dirt stains.
5. Carry PFP’s when traveling with those suffering from motion sickness. Now that you are armed, at least you won’t end up at the work place smelling of puke.
6. Spring cleaning (which somehow seems to pop up in winter, summer and autumn as well) can be made much easier with PFP’s.
7. Fool your neighbor into believing he’s got the morning paper (at first glance), when the matter of fact is that you’ve taken his copy for the day leaving behind just the PFP.
8. Lastly, find new ways of using a PFP.

Disclaimer: These uses have been tried and tested. Please feel free to add on to this list.

Do tell me too!